Love Doctor Provides More Guidance…Perception

March 11, 2007

When I was giving a speech this week, I was talking about perception in relationships…how we see things our way and how others see them their way and the two are not always the same. Different perceptions can cause a marriage to become troubled.

For example, my sister’s view of our childhood is different from mine…on the sheer basics…I was born first and had had my parents to myself so when she was born, I felt left out but she only ever knew what it was to share her parents.

When my ex-husband and I talked about things that had happened, we had a different memory. That could cause not only disagreements but full-on arguments which was not helpful.

It is only when we see things from someone else’s perspective that we can understand how they might feel. This does not mean that they are right and you are wrong or the other way around but just that they see it one way and you see it another way. We can just allow that difference of opinion to be there…let go of having to be right.

Another example is… wherever you’re sitting right now to read this blog, you are looking directly in front of you. As I type this, I am looking at the computer screen and I now and then look up and can see the garden through the window and the wall adjacent to the window with bits and pieces stuck on it, my desk, the shelves etc to one side and a cupboard to the other side. In my periphery I can see a little bit of the floor, another wall and I can just see the doorway on one side and another shelf on which I’m not sure I can see but I know the printer is there. If I was to turn around and not type this blog for a moment…now I’ve got to remember what I saw…I could see my printer, shelf, drawers, scanner, waste bin, papers, a folded chair, another cupboard, most of the floor, radiator, pictures on another wall, the door open, the landing, banister with pashminas draped on it. If I look up now, I can see a little of the ceiling. If I turn around and look up…I could see most of the ceiling and the light fitting.

Try this yourself right now…what was that like?

So remember, it is really important to stand where your loved one is if you really want to understand how he perceives something.  This isn’t easy, because we come into the relationship with our past and so each of us sees and hears things coloured by our past experience. However by pretending to be an actor/actress we can step into our loved one’s shoes, stand or sit as they do, act as they do, hold ourselves as they do and you will be surprised how you can feel as they do.

When I first tried this I was doubtful and thought that it was me really but as long as I let go of my head and my thoughts and came from my heart…yes let my heart feel and speak…it worked.

Please try it the next time you have a disagreement and encourage your loved one to do the same.

by Anita Jackson

Love Doctor Reveals The Secret You Must Know to Completely Transform Your Relationship to its Highest Potential in her book, Rekindle The Magic in Your Relationship – Making Love Work. Claim your FREE chapter of Anita’s book at 


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