“Crazy Love”

May 29, 2007

This is a film which is coming out or just out and is based on the true story of Burt and Linda Pugach back in the 1950s. It is about a man who was abused by his mother, married and an adulterer…then he met Linda and fell in love to the point of obsession.

Linda didn’t have good male role models…she met someone after Burt and got engaged.

Obsessed, Burt sent someone to her house to throw acid in her face…she was blinded. Later he married her and took care of her.

In my role of counselling and coaching clients who want to rekindle their relationship, I find that quite often it is past experiences that block them from having a full-on relationship with each other.

As I say in my book, I was sexually and physically abused as a child and took the scars of that…the anger and rage of it…into my marriage…it’s as if we take what happened in the past out on the one we loved…certainly crazy!

My ex-husband had his own issues and adultery was the route he took in our marriage.

I remember feeling so hurt that I couldn’t bear it so covered the hurt up with a rage that wanted to kill…yes, I wanted to smother my ex-husband one night when I lay awake with all these challenging feelings.

After our marriage ended, I remember him being so rageful towards me that he tried to strangle me…I was left with wealds on my neck.How can love turn into such violence? It does seem crazy! And yes there is a sense of madness.Clearly Linda, Burt, my ex-husband and I did not love ourselves…we did not have much self-worth or value…but this is so important and necessary for a wonderful relationship, as I and my clients have found.At the moment there is much being said about The Secret… the Law of Attraction…in fact to attract love from our loved ones we must first love ourselves…as we love ourselves in a real way…not a miserly, restrictive way…but inclusive way which then provides us with enough love to give it unconditionally without needing anything in return. But guess what, as we give love so do we receive it…another Law.

It is possible to rekindle your relationship no matter how bad it may seem or how crazy we might feel.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Workwww.rekindlethemagic.com

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Actress Jessica Alba wants her marriage to be based on “unconditional love”.  She is aware that there will be the normal everyday ups and downs but she wants to be committed forever to whomever she marries. She was taught this by her parents who believe you should stick through the downs and not just the ups.As a love wizard who gives honest guidance, I wholeheartedly believe that unconditional love is the most important factor in a marriage and this has to start with loving ourselves. By loving ourselves we have more love to give and by giving much love, we receive back love. Just imagine your loved one giving you loads of love…I hope you would receive it with open arms and an open heart…I know I would just glow inside and feel full up and want to share this wonderful love with my loved one…its not batting it away and feeling unworthy of it but lapping it up and knowing that by feeling full-up with love we can give more back and then more comes back to us…try it. This is the Law of Attraction.

When there are downs we have to remember that life goes in cycles and that there will always be an up…all we have to do is ride this cycle…go with the flow and believe there will be an up…in fact, focus on a previous up that you would like to go through again.

Jessica also admitted that she was not the easiest person to be with as her life is not conventional and she’s away a lot. The away periods may cause a down in a marriage but it is so important to follow our own path and achieve our own goals as well as having a life together. There must be enough together moments and of course that would depend on you as a couple as to what would be right for each of you. Everyone is different and has their own wants and needs, that’s why we don’t all want the same person and some people need more space than others! (c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Workwww.rekindlethemagic.com

Last Saturday I joined my Shakespearean group as Isabella in Measure For Measure…it was a wonderful evening.

Briefly, Measure For Measure is set in Vienna where there are several brothels and even outside of these, much sex out of wedlock. The Duke appoints Angelo to clean up the city in his absence but watches everything in the disguise of a Friar.

As Isabella, I am a novice nun and was sent for by my brother, Claudio, because he was in prison and to be executed the next day, having had sex with his betrothed before marriage and she was pregnant. I plead to Angelo for Claudio’s release…I am very determined and strong and angry despite the fact that I abhor what Claudio has done (as Isabella). The only way was to agree to have sex with Angelo who not only desires me but appears desperate to have his way with me.

There is a lot of deceit in the play which of course starts with the Duke going under cover as a Friar and Angelo’s ex-betrothed standing in for me and having sex with Angelo because she still wants him. The Duke, as the Friar, came up with this suggestion.

The Duke falls in love with me and at the very end, when he reveals himself as the Duke, asks for my hand in marriage…the answer is left in the air…to everyone’s imagination. Having been Isabella, I feel she could choose to marry him…it seems quite bizarre, a nun and a friar getting married but then she is not yet a nun and he was not a friar.

For me the play seemed to be based on secrets and lies and Shakespeare based his plays on what was current at the time. How many relationships today are based on secrets and lies?

There was a story in the Daily Mirror recently of a man who revealed to his wife that he had been unfaithful to her throughout their marriage. My ex-husband was unfaithful to me and I help clients rekindle the magic in their relationship and some have had affairs. They keep the secret and live the lie of a double life. Not only were they in a marriage but also having sex outside of marriage.

And then there is Angelo pointing his finger at others having sex out of wedlock but three fingers pointing back at himself! How many of you point the finger at you loved one in your relationship but are guilty of the same thing. It is so important to be aware of what we are doing and saying…hopefully then we will be honest and open in our relationships and act with integrity.

(c) copywrite 2007 Anita Jackson, author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work” www.rekindlethemagic.com

Yes, my cat, Pudding aged 17, died a year ago and 2 weeks ago I agreed to start a relationship with a kitten…very different from a 17 year-old cat! Of course, Pudding was a kitten once but that was so long ago, I had forgotten how exhausting kittens can be.

His or her name is Mitten…yes, I don’t even know the sex…so hopefully Mitten is neutral enough to work for either sex! Mitten is very cute, gorgeous and loving. At the same time Mitten is demonic…chasing around the house, knocking over a vase causing water to flow freely over my carpet which took 8 towels to dry up, climbing anything she/he can, pearching on the back of my chair and nuzzling up…aah…then chasing bits of string and silver balls…oh! and hanging by her/his claws…in fact what appeared to be one claw and not batting an eyelid!

As for our relationship… we bonded the first day. I carry her around or she follows me…she has learnt my call for food…banging the bowl with a spoon and calling “Food Mitten”.  Just imagine my doing this in the street…I did it for Pudding and felt very silly calling out “Food Pudding”. Mitten also trusts me to catch her/him if she is just about to fall off my lap…she/he just lets go and relaxes and trusts.

I was wondering what this message was for humans in a relationship…for me it’s about being with Mitten and accepting her/him just as Mitten is…I can’t stop Mitten needing exercise, she has so much energy for one so young and too young to go out alone yet.

It is so important when in a relationship, that we accept each other for who we are and what we come with into the relationship – warts and all.

Exercise is important for our health and wellbeing just as it is for a kitten…and we must do it safely without destroying anything around us or ourselves…unlike Mitten.

What I have also noticed is how I am willing to praise and cuddle or stroke Mitten when she/he is cute and good. When Mitten is about to draw blood with her/his sharp little teeth, I say “gently, gently” in a calm way and Mitten starts to lick my hand instead. When Mitten is naughty I tell her/him “No you’re naughty” in a very strict deep voice and Mitten seems to cower and understand. Then we carry on as normal and I cuddle and stroke Mitten, showing that I still love her/him. So how does this reflect a human relationship…

We must draw our boundaries and be true to ourselves and willing to compromise on things that are less important. We must remember that “No” is a statement on it’s own and it’s all right to say “No” and mean it…don’t say it and then give in…you may never be believed again when you say “No”! Know that it’s no good shouting and screaming at your loved one…but it’s really OK to feel angry or hurt and say so: “I feel angry when you do that” or “I feel hurt when you say that”…you could even go one step further and say what you would prefer your loved one to do.

How powerful trust is…essential for a relationship to work well.

Just remember to bond with each other…be open and get to really know each other.

Anita Jackson, Author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work” at www.rekindlethemagic.com