Arguments or Love in Your Relationship?

June 5, 2007

In my local paper, The Press…for Barnet and Whetstone, North London… there is an article for couples planning to live together or get married. The article suggests that these couples should learn how to “argue effectively” before embarking on living together.

I think this would be useful for any couple not just newbies…I agree with Nick Griffin, that there is nothing wrong with arguing… as long as we don’t blame our loved ones, don’t point the finger at them, don’t tell them what to do and don’t expect them to change.

It’s not really about arguing, it’s more about saying how angry we feel when our loved one does or says something that pushes our buttons. Once we’ve said how we feel angry, we could add how we would like them to do or say things differently.

As the article says, it’s quite often the small things that create the biggest arguments and that’s normally because the small things mount up or have happened over a period of time and all of a sudden we’ve had enough…do you know that one?

It is so much better to say something the first time the small thing annoys you, like leaving the top off the toothpaste or the toilet seat up or underwear/socks on the floor. Otherwise your anger could seem unfair because, afterall, you’ve put up with it for a while and you might be asked, “Why now?”

Perhaps you might like to consider what I call a therapeutic sandwich… “I love it when you wash up after dinner…I would like to you to put your socks straight in the dirty washing basket…I really appreciate you hoovering.” Or something along those lines…a good thing about your loved one, followed by something you’d like them to do differently, followed by something else that is good about them. 

If you do this before it becomes the last straw, your loved one is more likely to do or say things differently. Think about how you would like to be asked/spoken to.

Always think to praise and thank your loved one for the things they do and say well and for the things you like and love about them. Otherwise all they’ll hear is you not liking or loving them the way they are. Love and gratitude are the best ways to get your loved one to be the way you love them being. But don’t forget that you chose to live with them, warts and all! 

However there are going to be occasions when you want to be angry or it just takes over…the import thing is to talk calmly afterwards about why you felt so angry and how you would want it to be. Never hold a grudge…let it go; never be moody or bear resentment…say what you feel.

Love yourself and your loved one by being honest and open with your feelings. 

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love

Love Wizard Provides Honest Guidance and Reveals The Secret You Must Know to Completely Transform Your Relationship to its Highest Potential


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