How Does Energy Work?

September 25, 2007

I have been asked this question:

Does such a thing as a soulmate who is 110% compatible with you, really exist or can you only find someone who is 70%?

My Answer to the question is:

Well, I would say be drawn by energy…don’t go for looks because they change, don’t go for those for excite you sexually…this changes…go by energy…go by your intuition, your gut feeling, from your heart, your sense…become friends…get to know each other first. Then you can build the relationship.

When I talk about builidng, you must put energy into it. All relationships need energy put into them too…you just must. If your relationship is high on your values list, you’re going to put energy into it. If it’s low down, then you’re not going to put energy into it. But you have too…you won’t succeed otherwise.

No 1’s Reply:

So you must come from the heart and not the eyes then.

My Response:

Yes.

No 2’s Response:

How do you get past that initial stage because I’ve never been attracted to anyone initially through their energy, ever, because I’ve seen them across the room first or I’ve seen them from a distance first.

My Reply:

I bet it was energetic.

No 3’s Question:

You mean we might not be aware of it…is that what you’re saying?

No 4’s Response:

Yes that’s spiritual awareness or something…

My Reply:

You may or may not believe in this but…I see metaphorically a universal unconditional link between everybody…you don’t even have to see them, to have a spiritual link…a connection wth someone the other side of the world. 

I had a dream about my son when he wasn’t talking to me…I was in Greece at the time and he was in England. I find dreams very powerful and I work with them…I looked at this one to see what it meant for me, I realised what was going on between us and was able to put it right in the dream. 2 weeks after I returned home, I received a phone call from my son…he phoned me “out of the blue”…I was looking at our relationship there…he was receiving it here and it happened.

No 2’s Response:

Yes, it’s just like the butterfly effect.

My Response:

Yes I do think we look at someone and think he or she’s a bit of all right and yes, I do think there has to be something…however, look at Beauty and the Beast. It’s not always looks, it’s not always sex…it can be. I have a friend who went to bed with her husband right away and they’re still together and flourish…there’s no right or wrong. But from what I understand and after talking to many people…it’s going on – happening on an energetic level.

No 5’s Response:

Yes, I came back from abroad and needed to get a job…a friend told me about one…I went to an interview but wasn’t bothered about the job…there were 2 guys there – one foreign and another, English…I’ve been with the English one ever since – 28 years.

My Response:

It was on an energetic level.

No 5’s Reply:

Yes.

My Response:

And I think that’s what we do when we’re networking…

No 1’s Response:

Well, that’s how I met Anita (me)…I went to Akasha and so did Anita…I went to listen to the speakers…I was introduced to Anita through a mutual friend and I wasn’t expecting to meet someone like her that I could introduce to my friends in this kind of forum. So it’s qutie strange how this works out and I think that the thing.

My Response:

On another level I went there, not for the speakers, but to network…I knew I was going to meet someone important there and I met you and as a result, the rest of you.

No 6’s Response:

About 4 years ago I was running a training course for air disaster with about 300 participants…there was a 10 day exercise…on the 8th day…I met this lovely girl…2 weeks later I proposed to her and we got married a year after. And the funny thing is…you know how families-in-law get against each other somehow. Well, the thing here is that between the 2 families, they planned our wedding within 3 months. Out of 300 odd people, how did I meet that one person? It just happened…you know about energy.

My Response:

What appears even more weird is that my phone rang yesterday and it was a chap who I hadn’t seen for 10 years…he still had my number on his phone and he’d pressed it by mistake…we reconnected, not because we needed to see each other again…but certainly I needed to see where I had come from…how I had changed and moved on and achieved so much.

Then it happened again by a friend who I’ve meant to call for a while and haven’t…I was being reminded to keep in touch with my friends…so I did…I phoned her. And what’s really interesting is that she could be a useful contact for one of you.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, author or “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work”. Love Wizard who provides honest guidance and the secret you must know to completely transform your relationship to its highest potential.

Get your…
FREE chapter of book at http://www.rekindlethemagic.com PLUS
FREE weekly relationship guidance and Hot Tips (Action steps) AND
FREE teleseminar at http://www.rekindlethemagic.com/teleseminar1.php

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I have been asked this question:

With 3 kids and a business, I feel our relationship gets neglected –- any practical tips on how we can make time for each other in our hectic lives?
 
My Answer to the question is:

You must organise your time so that you work flat-out during your work time…you give your full attention to your children in their time and you must make time for them…you give your full attention to your husband and you must make time for him. Try to keep each of these separate…now we all know how challenging this can be, especially where human-beings are concerned and even more so when children are involved.

In my book “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work”, I talk about how important it is to give your full attention to your loved one. We are all capable to multi-tasking and us women tend to do it. While this can be excellent in some areas, it is not when you are spending time with your loved-one.

We all want to be seen and heard…why do you think this is?

Because we feel important to the person we are with…that’s why counselling can be so powerful…by just the fact that, as a counsellor/relationship coach, I am there for my client all the time…watching, listening…really hearing, noticing my emotions, how my body feels, noticing their body, what they are saying, what they are doing and using my intuition…asking “what’s not being said”…reading between the lines.

When we were babies, we needed our mothers or carers to do that for us…some of us were lucky to get that…some were not…through no fault of the mother’s or carer’s (although I don’t think a carer has the natural intuition that a mother has with her baby, if she did but know it…especially mother and daughter…even now that my daughter is 26 I can still intuit that I must phone her, even though what I think I must phone her about isn’t the real reason, as I find out when I speak with her…she needs a listening ear and hasn’t thought to phone me or was just about to phone me).

Your husband and you are no different…I’m sure both of you want this level of attention…I know I do. So quality time is more important than time which is spent multi-tasking with them as one of the tasks! It’s almost better to spend just 5 mins with your loved one where you give them your all than to spend an hour where you are doing other things as well.

So plan out your day…set time aside for your children and set time aside for your loved one…then you must use your Will (one of your faculties) to make sure you keep to it…ok, timetables can sometimes go pear-shaped when emergencies arise but most of the time please keep to it if you want your relationship to be the best it can be.

If you don’t…what’s your worst case scenario? Now you know what it is, don’t focus on it but find the polar opposite…what’s your most wonderful case scenario? Hold that image and focus on it as many times during each day as you can. This is what you’re aiming for in your relationship. Don’t let it go…you can achieve it…I know you can.

It is too easy to say, “I’m too busy for love”…”I’m too busy for making love”…”I’m too busy to stop and listen”…”I’m too busy to tell you how I feel”.

Instead, say, “I always have time for love”…”I always have time for making love”…”I always have time to stop and listen”…”I always have time to tell you how I feel”.

Now, do it…I know you can.

Here’s to you loving and taking for your loved one.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work”  and the Love Wizard Providing Honest Guidance and The Secret You Must Know to Completely Transform Your Relationship to its Highest Potential

Get your…
FREE chapter of book at http://www.rekindlethemagic.com PLUS
FREE weekly relationship guidance and Hot Tips (Action steps) AND
FREE teleseminar at http://www.rekindlethemagic.com/teleseminar1.php

Balancing Business and Love

September 21, 2007

I have been asked this question:

How can you increase intimacy when two people who love each other loads, have heavy workloads, and their brains are always focused on the next steps in their business….

My Answer to the question is:

What I think you are saying is…both your businesses and your relationship are important to you…however you are putting all your focus on your businesses at the moment. I suspect you want to increase intimacy and maintain your “always focused on the next steps in their business”…unfortunately that’s not possible…in fact you might not like my answer because I’m going to tell you to take time out for you personally as well as your loved one.

It is so important to take care of yourself while building your business and your relationship…as I read your question, I could feel the pressure you must be under. Something has to give and you don’t want it to be your health, your business or your relationship…

Even if it is only 10 mins to meditate and 40 mins to exercise for yourself…that’s less than 1hr a day…DO IT.

As for your businesses, you must switch the light off, both physically and metaphorically, as you step over the threshold of your office (be it outside the home or at home), close the door and step into your romantic self…and totally focus on you and your loved one.

One exercise you could both do when you come together is sitting down opposite one-another and one of you starts talking about how you feel…maybe you need to offload something about work…it doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it’s important to you…it may be about your relationship.

The other one just listens, says nothing, doesn’t nod or shake their head, just listens with all of themselves…their heart, their ears, their body, their emotions, their mind and their intuition. Set a time limit…you might want to make it 5mins…if that seems too long to begin with…say, 2mins.

Then you swap over and the other one starts talking…do exactly the same thing as above.

At the end, take the same amount of time for each of you to take turns in feeding back to the other…saying what you heard, what you sensed, what you felt emotionally and physically and maybe what you imagined was going on for the other. If necessary, what you feel you could do to help, etc.

At the end of this, take the same amount of time again to discuss it further with each other…then you can get on with your romance and time for you.

Here’s to you loving and taking care of yourself first and then giving unconditional love to your loved one.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work” 

Love Wizard Provides Honest Guidance and Reveals The Secret You Must Know to Completely Transform Your Relationship to its Highest Potential

Get your…
FREE chapter of book at http://www.rekindlethemagic.com PLUS
FREE weekly relationship guidance and Hot Tips (Action steps) AND
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I was asked this question…it is not about an intimate relationship… however I thought it would be useful because my answer can be applied to any relationship:

I don’t have a partner at present but I do have problems with someone at work. He is not my boss but is a director of the company and is extremely over-bearing and aggressive to me on occasions. He has also managed to upset most of my staff.  Fortunately he only comes to the office about once a week if that but now he has sent me a warning letter about some “trumped up complaint”. My own boss, who lives in Spain has said to take no notice but that’s hard to do especially when it was totally unwarranted. I do not want to crawl to him but how can I forget his hurtful comments and keep things on an even keel with him? Right now I would like to find another job but why should I leave a job I like just to please him? …

My Answer to your question is:

I remember feeling like that with my ex-husband …nothing I ever did seemed to be good enough and I felt shocked and couldn’t understand why he would lie about me.Then I saw an ex-boss as being a bully with everyone, not just me…including the children…he was a head teacher. In fact, the whole school seemed depressed and angry.

Through a friend, I decided one day to see him as “Loving and Kind towards me”. Before going into work I would say, “Fred is always loving and kind to me” and just kept chanting it.

He changed towards me or so I perceived…what I did was change my perception by chanting and as I began to believe it from the inside, so he changed or my perception changed on the outside. Interestingly, I still saw him bullying others, including the children he didn’t like but not those who chanted like me.I started saying what I wanted from him as a boss. Once I asked him to tell me when I had done a good job. He said he couldn’t do that…It was beyond what he could do.

However what started to happen was that he would show me his appreciation in different ways…the bottom line was that I felt appreciated and it didn’t matter how he showed it…he got the message and I felt good.

Even more interestingly, he very soon left (I always wondered if he couldn’t take that new way of being) and the new head was completely the opposite…very appreciative and very kind to the children…and the whole school changed…the children were better behaved.

What you must do is…

Give yourself love
Send and give him love
See him as a loving, kind, caring being
Be aware of your anger and let it out safely…punching pillows etc…otherwise it will leak out at others
Tell him how you feel “I feel angry (or whatever it is) when you do … (whatever it is) and what I want you to do is…(whatever it is)
Use an affirmation: “…(Name) is always loving, kind and caring to me and my staff” and make sure you are

Here’s to you first loving yourself first and sending love to your boss

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, author of Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work”  and the Love Wizard Providing Honest Guidance and The Secret You Must Know to Completely Transform Your Relationship to its Highest Potential

Get your…
FREE chapter of my book at www.rekindlethemagic.com PLUS
FREE weekly relationship guidance and Hot Tips (Action steps) AND
FREE teleseminar at www.rekindlethemagic.com/teleseminar1.php

The question I have been given for this blog is:

I feel controlled — he thinks I don’t submit. We’ve been dating 2 years but I feel less in love all the time. He wants a commitment. I’ve suddenly realized I don’t think I have ever been passionately in love, even though I was married 18 years (I’ve now been single as long)

My Answer to your question is:

I’d like to start with the first part of your question…”I feel controlled”. It is so important to feel in control of ourselves and not give the control to someone else. Yes, that is what I imagine you have done, given control to your loved one. I imagine you felt controlled earlier in your life. This then becomes a natural and easy place to be, even though it’s something you don’t want to feel.

I’m delighted you take responsibility and say you feel controlled and don’t blame your love one which many people do.  Have you told him this is how you feel? It is so important to communicate effectively and to say how you feel. This could be useful information for him not just about how you feel but his role in this. Not only tell him how you feel controlled but tell him why…pinpoint what it is that creates that feeling in you.

Also tell him what you would prefer him to do differently…of course you need to know what this is first. Be very clear. You cannot expect him to be different but you can ask. At the same time, you are informing him that whatever he does or says affects you in some way and he must take responsibility too….this does not mean he has to change….he has to want to if that is what’s necessary.

At the same time, what is the opposite to feeling controlled for you…whatever it is, start focusing on that, notice how you hold yourself differently, where you feel this in your body, how you think and image differently…make this new feeling and body language bigger….then, make it bigger still…touch the part of your body so that you can do this later and bring the feeling back.

The next part of your question is “he thinks I don’t submit.” I imagine you mean that he thinks you don’t completely relax and give your body when making love…if this is the case and you think you do, then he needs to enlarge upon his thinking and tell you what he’s feeling as a result of it with “I feel…(whatever the emotion is)”. He could then tell you what he’d like you to do differently…there may be something specific he’s referring to.

Now this does not mean you have to do anything you don’t want to do and you can say so if this is the case. But if you are willing to try something different, then go ahead and practise…enjoy it. So ask him how he is feeling and what he needs/wants.

The next part of your question is challenging “We’ve been dating 2 years but I feel less in love all the time. He wants a commitment. I’ve suddenly realized I don’t think I have ever been passionately in love, even though I was married 18 years (I’ve now been single as long)” I imagine you’re not married and I would ask why you are still together if you are not in love with him…there must be something that keeps you together and that could be important enough for you to rekindle the relationship or you might be there because you are used to this way of being and feeling…similar to the past maybe.

Passion has been a challenge for me too. I learned that I was passionate in other areas of my life and what I found useful was to bring more passion into my whole life…so I would recommend that you start focusing on being passionate all the time…be passionate in your work/job; be passionate as you walk…put a spring in your step…walk with determination; look in the mirror and tell yourself “I   l  o v e   y o u” and mean it…get passionate with yourself…be passionate with your body…make love to yourself…this may or may not lead to masterbation but start really loving yourself passionately; make you meals with passion.

If you don’t know what passion looks/feels like then find a time in your life when you felt excited about what you were doing/experiencing (for you to know that it is missing, means that you must have experienced it)…focus on that time…close your eyes and go back and reconnect with the passionate feeling…notice where you feel it in your body…make the feeling bigger…then bigger still….put your hand on the part of your body where you feel excited/passionate. Then you can recall that feeling any time you put your hand on that part of your body. Of course, you can do this when making love with your loved one.

Remember, you have to want to rekindle this relationship…if you don’t, then get out and practise on yourself until you meet someone you do want to feel passionate with.

It is never too late to be passionately in love but you have to start with you…role model it so that the man in your life can see that you feel worthy of it and gives you passionate love too. (Law of Attraction) 

I have the sense that you don’t feel passionately loved by your loved one any more than he thinks you don’t submit or commit. He needs to submit in some way that he isn’t at the moment, probably not in a sexual way, and he must commit in some way that he’s not doing for you…observe him and notice what it is you want from him and tell him.

Good communication is vital in every relationship and to have a magical rekindled love life, takes energy.

Here’s to you first loving yourself more.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, author of Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work”  and the Love Wizard Providing Honest Guidance and The Secret You Must Know to Completely Transform Your Relationship to its Highest Potential

You will find a…
FREE chapter of book at www.rekindlethemagic.com PLUS
FREE weekly relationship guidance and Hot Tips (Action steps) AND a
FREE teleseminar at www.rekindlethemagic.com/teleseminar1.php

Please feel free to ask me your relationship question here.

Question:

“How does a person regain the butterflies in the stomach that was there when my husband and I first me?”

Answer:Set aside some time…up to an hour…to do this.
Sit comfortably, close your eyes, relax and follow your breathingUsing your imagination…

(you don’t have to be able to see…you have five senses…use as many as you are able to right now…all you really need is to have a sense of what I’m asking you to do)Go back in time to that moment of feeling the butterflies in your stomach when you first met your husband
Allow the image or sense of that time to become stronger

You may have a picture of yourself on the TV screen of your mind
or as I have already said, just a sense of it

If you are willing, step into the image of yourself…even if you only have a sense of it…just like an actor stepping into a role on the stage

Notice if your husband is with you or not
Notice where you are…your environment…what you are wearing…what you have on your feet

Notice the butterflies…where are they in your body
What do the butterflies feel like and how is your body?
Are you standing, sitting or lying down

How are you in your body..tense or relaxed?
Once you’re really in touch with the butterflies, make the feeling and body language bigger (it’s a bit like overacting)

Now make the feeling and body language even bigger
Repeat this once more
Hold this image…freeze it

You might want to touch a part of your body that will help you recall this image

From this place, turn and face yourself (the space where you were originally)
And tell self what he/she needs to know about feeling the butterflies again

Step back into self and receive the message
Now say out loud the one small thing you are going to to in order to get back in touch with the butterflies in your stomach

When you are ready and not before… slowly come back into the room and open your eyes
Take in the room and surroundings…make sure you are really present

Now you can recall this image at any time by just using your imagination and memory and/or by touching that part of your body…as you did in the imagery

Please feel free to ask me your relationship question here.

You will find a…
FREE chapter of book at www.rekindlethemagic.com PLUS
FREE weekly relationship guidance and Hot Tips (Action steps) AND a
FREE teleseminar at www.rekindlethemagic.com/teleseminar1.php

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Workwww.rekindlethemagic.com Love Wizard Provides Honest Guidance and Reveals The Secret You Must Know to Completely Transform Your Relationship to its Highest Potential

The first question I have the privilege of answering, is:

“…I travel a lot. And when I’m away from my husband, I really miss and appreciate him. But when I get back, we almost immediately fall into a routine–doing all that needs to be done for work and family, and hardly even noticing each other in the flurry of it all. As I think about it, to a certain degree, the same could be said in regards to my children, two teenagers. What can you suggest to bring home and keep alive those feelings of love and appreciation I have when I’m away? Thanks!”

My Answer is…

There are four things you can do…

  1. Repeat an affirmation as often as you can, every day like…”I am so happy and grateful now tht I have a joyful heart which burns with love in increasing quantities through multiple sources on a continuous basis”
  2. When you miss and appreciate your husband while you’re away…if you don’t already, imagine him being there with you…notice where your feel the missing and appreciation in your body…notice what you are wearing and what you have on your feet (this is really important, as your feet are the first parts of you to be in touch with the ground/earth, so by noticing what you have on your feet, you are grounding the whole image and feelings and making them more real and easier to connect with later)…become aware of all your senses…
    what can you smell?
    can you taste anything…maybe his skin, lips, the air, champagne, or whatever?
    what can you hear…his voice maybe?
    The more vivid you make it, the easier it is to keep a hold ofNow make the feelings and image even bigger…
    And bigger still…at the same time, touch your body (there’s no right or wrong…whereever it feels right…I want to touch my heart)When you get home and back into routine, touch your body in the same way and place and allow the image and feelings come back to you.Of course, this isn’t enough, if you’re not going to do something with it…
  3. So, it is really important to be present with each other with just a little touch here and a smile there and an “I love you” as well…Notes, text messages, emails with just “I love you” or a “Thank you for…”
  4. Co-listening is a brilliant way to be completely present for each other and it’s the best time you can give…what is co-listening, I hear you say…Sit down together for, say, 10 mins (you can increase it)
    Let your husband speak first for 2mins…about anything that comes to heart and mind…maybe what’s been going on…what he wants in the relationship…etc and staying with himself ie making “I feel…” statements.
    You just listen with your full attention…looking at him, focusing on what he is saying, noticing his body language, how you feel …BUT NO nodding, shaking head or speaking…JUST being
    Swap over and you talk about whatever you want and in exactly the same way as I have suggested for your husband.
    Then 2 mins each to feedback how your felt, what you noticed, what you sensed, what you imagined, etc.
    The last 2 mins you might just want to discuss something that came out of this exercise.

You can do this with your teenagers too if they’re willing and as a family.

Remember, you have different roles in your life…wife, mother, job, athelete, singer, musician or whatever…quite often we step into those roles and leave the rest of us behind…it would seem that you have stepped into your “going abroad to work” role and allow yourself the time to really feel the love and gratitude for your husband…these feelings are allowed in all areas of your life…I give you permission…now give yourself permission.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, Author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work”

FREE chapter of book at www.rekindlethemagic.com
PLUS FREE weekly relationship guidance and Hot Tips (Action steps)
AND FREE teleseminar at www.rekindlethemagic.com/teleseminar1.php

I’m asked so many questions about how to get a loving relationship back or indeed how to keep it going. There is something so many people don’t realise…if you want relationship magic you have to put some energy into your love and create more passion…not necessarily sexual passion.

This means, lifting your voice and spirits, putting a bounce in your steps, holding your head up, putting your shoulders back, smiling at your loved one, loving yourself more.

This is where the Law of Attraction comes in…maintain your relationship right from the beginning, don’t wait until you need to transform it. I’m not saying this because you can’t…I know you can completely transform your relationship. I’m saying it because it’s easier to have a wonderful relationship if you maintain the loving one you already have. And the more you give to yourself, the more that will come to you.

Then there’s the Law of Giving and Receiving…the more you give unconditionally, the more that will be given to you…you have to be ready to receive and if you don’t love yourself enough, receiving is a difficult thing to do…I know, I was there once.

I have decided to offer you the opportunity to ask your questions on relationship guidance right here on this blog. I wish I’d had this chance when I was struggling in my marriage…please take this opportunity, right now and reply to this blog with your question.

I am excited about answering your questions with honesty from my personal experience, my work as a counsellor/psychotherapist and in particular as a relationship counsellor/coach.

I also encourage you to join me on my FREE Teleseminars and you can have a FREE Chapter of my book PLUS Weekly Relationship Help and Hot Tips (Your Action steps) if you click http://www.rekindlethemagic.com

(c) copyright Anita Jackson 2007, Author of Rekindle The Magic In Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work, Love Wizard who provides honest guidance and The Secret you must know to completely transform your relationship to its highest potential at http://www.rekindlethemagic.com