Does Travelling for Work Challenge a Relationship?

September 10, 2007

The first question I have the privilege of answering, is:

“…I travel a lot. And when I’m away from my husband, I really miss and appreciate him. But when I get back, we almost immediately fall into a routine–doing all that needs to be done for work and family, and hardly even noticing each other in the flurry of it all. As I think about it, to a certain degree, the same could be said in regards to my children, two teenagers. What can you suggest to bring home and keep alive those feelings of love and appreciation I have when I’m away? Thanks!”

My Answer is…

There are four things you can do…

  1. Repeat an affirmation as often as you can, every day like…”I am so happy and grateful now tht I have a joyful heart which burns with love in increasing quantities through multiple sources on a continuous basis”
  2. When you miss and appreciate your husband while you’re away…if you don’t already, imagine him being there with you…notice where your feel the missing and appreciation in your body…notice what you are wearing and what you have on your feet (this is really important, as your feet are the first parts of you to be in touch with the ground/earth, so by noticing what you have on your feet, you are grounding the whole image and feelings and making them more real and easier to connect with later)…become aware of all your senses…
    what can you smell?
    can you taste anything…maybe his skin, lips, the air, champagne, or whatever?
    what can you hear…his voice maybe?
    The more vivid you make it, the easier it is to keep a hold ofNow make the feelings and image even bigger…
    And bigger still…at the same time, touch your body (there’s no right or wrong…whereever it feels right…I want to touch my heart)When you get home and back into routine, touch your body in the same way and place and allow the image and feelings come back to you.Of course, this isn’t enough, if you’re not going to do something with it…
  3. So, it is really important to be present with each other with just a little touch here and a smile there and an “I love you” as well…Notes, text messages, emails with just “I love you” or a “Thank you for…”
  4. Co-listening is a brilliant way to be completely present for each other and it’s the best time you can give…what is co-listening, I hear you say…Sit down together for, say, 10 mins (you can increase it)
    Let your husband speak first for 2mins…about anything that comes to heart and mind…maybe what’s been going on…what he wants in the relationship…etc and staying with himself ie making “I feel…” statements.
    You just listen with your full attention…looking at him, focusing on what he is saying, noticing his body language, how you feel …BUT NO nodding, shaking head or speaking…JUST being
    Swap over and you talk about whatever you want and in exactly the same way as I have suggested for your husband.
    Then 2 mins each to feedback how your felt, what you noticed, what you sensed, what you imagined, etc.
    The last 2 mins you might just want to discuss something that came out of this exercise.

You can do this with your teenagers too if they’re willing and as a family.

Remember, you have different roles in your life…wife, mother, job, athelete, singer, musician or whatever…quite often we step into those roles and leave the rest of us behind…it would seem that you have stepped into your “going abroad to work” role and allow yourself the time to really feel the love and gratitude for your husband…these feelings are allowed in all areas of your life…I give you permission…now give yourself permission.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, Author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work”

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