Making Time For Your Relationship

September 23, 2007

I have been asked this question:

With 3 kids and a business, I feel our relationship gets neglected –- any practical tips on how we can make time for each other in our hectic lives?
My Answer to the question is:

You must organise your time so that you work flat-out during your work time…you give your full attention to your children in their time and you must make time for them…you give your full attention to your husband and you must make time for him. Try to keep each of these separate…now we all know how challenging this can be, especially where human-beings are concerned and even more so when children are involved.

In my book “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work”, I talk about how important it is to give your full attention to your loved one. We are all capable to multi-tasking and us women tend to do it. While this can be excellent in some areas, it is not when you are spending time with your loved-one.

We all want to be seen and heard…why do you think this is?

Because we feel important to the person we are with…that’s why counselling can be so powerful…by just the fact that, as a counsellor/relationship coach, I am there for my client all the time…watching, listening…really hearing, noticing my emotions, how my body feels, noticing their body, what they are saying, what they are doing and using my intuition…asking “what’s not being said”…reading between the lines.

When we were babies, we needed our mothers or carers to do that for us…some of us were lucky to get that…some were not…through no fault of the mother’s or carer’s (although I don’t think a carer has the natural intuition that a mother has with her baby, if she did but know it…especially mother and daughter…even now that my daughter is 26 I can still intuit that I must phone her, even though what I think I must phone her about isn’t the real reason, as I find out when I speak with her…she needs a listening ear and hasn’t thought to phone me or was just about to phone me).

Your husband and you are no different…I’m sure both of you want this level of attention…I know I do. So quality time is more important than time which is spent multi-tasking with them as one of the tasks! It’s almost better to spend just 5 mins with your loved one where you give them your all than to spend an hour where you are doing other things as well.

So plan out your day…set time aside for your children and set time aside for your loved one…then you must use your Will (one of your faculties) to make sure you keep to it…ok, timetables can sometimes go pear-shaped when emergencies arise but most of the time please keep to it if you want your relationship to be the best it can be.

If you don’t…what’s your worst case scenario? Now you know what it is, don’t focus on it but find the polar opposite…what’s your most wonderful case scenario? Hold that image and focus on it as many times during each day as you can. This is what you’re aiming for in your relationship. Don’t let it go…you can achieve it…I know you can.

It is too easy to say, “I’m too busy for love”…”I’m too busy for making love”…”I’m too busy to stop and listen”…”I’m too busy to tell you how I feel”.

Instead, say, “I always have time for love”…”I always have time for making love”…”I always have time to stop and listen”…”I always have time to tell you how I feel”.

Now, do it…I know you can.

Here’s to you loving and taking for your loved one.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work”  and the Love Wizard Providing Honest Guidance and The Secret You Must Know to Completely Transform Your Relationship to its Highest Potential

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