“I have had negative relationships in my past – How can I move past these and break down my wall, and…

October 28, 2007

…trust in my current relationship – I fear being hurt again? I think this fear is hurting my relationship…”

As long as you focus consciously or unconsciously on your past relationships, you cannot move fully into your current relationship. As I explain in the FREE Chapter 2 of my book “Rekindle The Magic In Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work”, the more you focus on what you want your current relationship to be like, the more it will be that way. Otherwise it could become similar to the others. When we live in fear, what we’re afraid of, can materialise.

My clients have found it important and useful to find the gifts from past relationships and see what was wonderful or at least good about each boyfriiend, partner, husband. In most cases,  clients have needed to do the same with their parents, particularly the opposite sex parent.

It is also important to go back to a time when each relationship was experienced as good by you…before the relationship changed. Notice how you interacted…what was important to you at the time. Bring this into your relationship now.

And remember a film or a book where a couple interacted in a certain way that you wished was happening to you. Focus on it…embody it…step into the role…feel what it’s like with all your senses, emotions, body and mind…now, imagine your loved one in the scene too and keep bringing this back into your imagination.

Communicating effectively is important…if clients feel angry, they discover that they are quite often covering up hurt. There is always a polar opposite.

However starting with anger is great (or whatever the emotion is)….just say “I feel angry when you do/say … … …(whatever it is they do or say).” You might want to add “and I would prefer it if you would … … …(whatever you want them to do or say)” however you must find out what it is you want them to do/say in order to say this and this can sometimes be challenging. Clients do feel vulnerable but in their vulnerability, they are open to more love and an honest way of being…yes, it is scary and it is important to do it anyway.

If I feel hurt then I say “I feel hurt”. If you do this, you will be taking responsibility for your own feelings and not blaming your loved one. He is not able to hurt you emotionally, only you can do this. However he may not know that his words or actions hurt you. By telling him how you feel, gives him the chance to say what he meant and/or to change what he says or does.

It is also important to act and be the way you want your loved one to be with you. The main focus of my work is in helping clients love themselves first. If you don’t love yourself first in the way you deserve, you won’t attract the love you deserve – Law of Attraction within the relationship. If you love yourself first, you have more to give and the more you give, the more you receive – Law of Giving and Receiving.

I find most people turn the negative feelings in on themselves…so if you are angry you are probably being angry with yourself too. You don’t deserve that any more than your loved one does. It is important to release it through exercise, writing, singing, dancing, drawing, painting, whatever helps…for me something physical is important…I used to play Beethoven on the piano as loud as I could! Be creative.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, Speaker, Counsellor/Psychotherapist/Coach and Author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work”.

Internationally recognised Love Wizard gives results-based guidance that creates the love and happiness you deserve in your life.

Here is your…
FREE chapter of book at http://www.rekindlethemagic.com PLUS
FREE weekly relationship guidance and Action steps AND
FREE teleseminar at http://www.rekindlethemagic.com/teleseminar1.php

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