My husband and I work at the same company and usually work out of our home office; how should we make time and focus on our love life and not talk about work all the time?

November 2, 2007

It is very important that you make time to focus on your love life…and at the same time, you have a common interest in your work, so many couples find that a challenge. Whatever I say below does depend on the type of work you do, so if mornings or afternoons would be easier than evenings, please substitute as necessary.

The first thing I would suggest is that you really feel grateful for the common interest and then you will feel good about your work rather than finding it a challenge. By focusing on the gratitude, you could find yourselves naturally finding time to focus on your love life because it shifts your emotions.

However, you could make sure you both stop work at the same time as each other…if you’re at home, make sure you close the office door behind you at a certain time each evening…if this will be challenging, take small steps and start with one evening a week…

Have at least one meal a day together, where you sit, eat and talk to each other about you, your relationship, how you’re feeling, particularly emotionally, what your needs are, etc. You both have to eat, so this would be a wonderful beginning.

One of the most powerful things a couple can do is to take time out to sit and face each other…to start with, one talking for 2 mins (you can increase this when it becomes easier) and the other listening with their whole being, not just their ears, their whole awareness – senses and faculties – without nodding or shaking their head or saying “Yes” “No” or anything else…then you swap over and the other one talks for the same amount of time while the first one listens…afterwards both of you feeds back for 2 mins each what you heard, felt, understood and maybe ask how you might help…you could then discuss it for another 4 mins. So to begin with, the time take would be 12 mins in total.

Remember, this isn’t a time for blame…take responsibility and say how you feel emotionally…this may make you feel vulnerable however it is wonderful for the relationship.

As to actually how you should make time, it is really up to you…if you want to, you will.

Imagine what you want your relationship to be like…see it in your imagination…feel yourself in that sort of relationship…notice what that’s like…notice what you are wearing and what you have on your feet…as you do this, touch a part of your body that would help you remember what you want your relationship to be like…then you can recall it at any time…it’s got to be a relationship that you really want, so that you want to make time to build it.

Come together and talk about each other’s vision…if there are common bits…build on them…see how you can work towards both of you getting the relationship you want…it may mean compromising on some things however make sure you stay true to yourself…your core values.

Although I would leave your visioning up to you, I would like to suggest that you think of taking time out and going away, even if it’s just for a day together…then stretch it to a weekend away…you can really rekindle your relationship this way.

A dinner out once a week would be excellent too…I have found getting out of the house when working from home very important. Even when I went out to work my ex-husband and I would sit in the car outside the house and talk or go to a restaurant and talk because once we got inside, we just got busy. When our children came along, we stopped doing this…we didn’t take time out for ourselves to talk about us…this contributed to our demise.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, Speaker, Counsellor/Psychotherapist/Coach and Author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work”.

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