How to motivate partner to grow?

November 12, 2007

I imagine that you have been growing through personal development and your partner has stayed where he is.

You cannot change your partner, however you can encourage him to grow by…

…showing him how your growing has helped you and even better, helped your relationship with him…I mean really own how you’ve grown and demonstrate it in your life and in particular, your relationship with your partner…in other words, acting differently than you did before your growth that benefits you and your partner…

…telling him how you feel emotionally because he stays the same…you might want to add how it affects you…eg “I feel hurt (maybe unloved, maybe angry, maybe another emotion) because I don’t think you want to grow with me”

…telling him how you see your relationship being if he were to grow…however remember to stay with you and how you see it from your perspective

Whatever you say…

You must be aware of how you feel,
How it’s affecting you,
How you are different in the relationship because he’s not growing,
How you see the relationship if he were to grow

The last point is the most important point…

You must see the relationship as if he had already grown and see the relationship exactly how you want it to be…

Step into the picture and really feel what it’s like to be in that relationship and

Start acting that way in your life right now.

Remember you cannot make him do anything…however he can change by you changing.

Stay with you at all costs…do not blame him.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, Speaker, Counsellor/Psychotherapist/Coach and Author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work” at

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