How to Maintain the “New” in the Relationship?

December 5, 2007

This is a great question because it seems to be a challenge for many couples and I’m often asked something similar.

If you can remember what it was like when you first met and/or were first living together, then you have started the process of maintaining the “New”.

What do I mean by this? Using all or some of your senses (ie hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting, touching and hearing) and all your faculties (ie imagination, memory, will, intuition, perception and reason) to build a picture or sense of what you had at the beginning, maybe changing it if you feel (intuit and perceive) that it would benefit from change, using your will to hold that image and or sense (not everyone can see a picture) and really bringing it into your whole being with your senses, reason and body.

So…go back to that time when your relationship was “New” with your imagination and your memory…get a vivid image using all or some or one of the above senses…

Now, I would invite you to step into yourself in the memory…be as that memory of yourself would be…either standing, sitting, etc.

Notice how you feel (yes really be an actor stepping into a role on a stage and feel it in the present) especially your emotions.

What do you see…where are you…what does your loved one look like, what is he wearing,

What do you look like, what are you wearing, especially what you have on your feet, etc?

What do you hear…what is happening around you, what are you saying, what is your loved one saying, etc?

What do you smell…maybe your perfume, his aftershave/cologne, hair, clothes, maybe what’s in the environment like flowers, etc?

What can you taste…if you’re by the sea maybe you can taste the salty air, you loved one’s skin, lips, etc?

What can you touch…your clothes, your loved one’s clothes, nature, furniture, etc?

You may want to change a few things or your may want to add a few things.

Now make all this bigger…breathe it into your whole being…feel yourself expand as you make the experience bigger.

Now make it bigger still and again breathe it into yourself…expand and feel the experience even more so.

Hold this…the image, feelings, emotions, etc.

Know, that you can recall this whenever you want to…in fact, do this everyday…just tune into it, step into it and really feel what it’s like to be feeling that “New” in your relationship.

As you focus on this and feel it as often as you can…as many times a day as you are able to…the more it will come back…you will find ways to being as you were then (with the changes if necessary).

Enjoy this…

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, Speaker, Counsellor/Psychotherapist/Coach and Author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work” at

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