How do I Respond to a Partner who has the Need to Always be Right?

December 18, 2007

I’m delighted that you want to “Respond”…this is such an important way of being with anyone when they challenge us and it is really difficult to respond and not react. Even if you don’t manage it all the time, keep practising because it will pay off in the end.

I imagine your partner could be afraid of being Wrong and probably feels insecure and probably does not have a lot of self-worth even if they seem to have loads of it.

Arguing isn’t useful, nor is any reaction to what they say…you are both right…you are right for you and they are right for them!

You are both different and you will have differences of opinion…it is really important for you both to allow each other to have a different opinion and let it go.

At the same time, it is important that you are considered by your partner as I imagine you consider them.

Listen to them…if they go on for a long time interject and ask how they are feeling…in fact, as you listen to them, notice if they seem angry or another feeling…I imagine they will be feeling hurt and concerned that you will take over even if that isn’t the case…they could be projecting one of their parents on to you who was strong and in control and always right! They may also be mirroring your own lack of self-worth.

You must love you first…you must listen to yourself first…you must do what it takes to love you.

When speaking with your partner, always stay calm…speak from your heart and not your emotions or your head…say “I feel …(whatever the emotion is and I imagine you feel hurt)” I would want to say “I feel hurt and that makes me want to protect myself by getting angry with you when you always want to be right and won’t even listen to me”…you might want to use your own words. Then ask them to listen to you as you have listened to them (of course, you must have already really heard them first).

If you have a copy of my book, there is a great exercise in Chapter 2, Being Who We Truly Are…start thinking about how you want your partner to be…think of someone in a film, play or book that would be the ideal model…notice what their qualities are and how they are with their partner.

Step into being that person’s partner and notice how you feel and how wonderful it is to feel really heard, respected and loved.

Now make that feeling bigger…and now make that feeling bigger still…really breathe into this wonderful feeling…notice how you are holding yourself, how you are standing or sitting, etc… really take notice of all the details.

Start imaging how you want your relationship to be with your partner…really see them discussing things with you and being with you in the way you truly want them to be… and you truly want to be treated… and how you truly want to be in the relationship.

Keep holding the image and say an affirmation…either the one in Chapter 2 or maybe “I am so happy and grateful now that I am in a wonderful, loving, caring, considerate relationship with ……(the name of your partner) in increasing quantities, through multiple sources on a continuous basis.” Choose the words that seem right for you and remember to use “considerate” or something that means the same because I imagine you want to be considered as you say that you see your loved one as needing to always be right.

Things will change…you just have to start the ball rolling.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, Speaker, Counsellor/Psychotherapist/Coach and Author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work” at http://www.rekindlethemagic.com

Internationally recognised Love Wizard gives results-based guidance that creates the love and happiness you deserve in your

life.

Here is your…
FREE chapter of book at http://www.rekindlethemagic.com PLUS
FREE weekly relationship guidance and Action steps AND
FREE teleseminar at http://www.rekindlethemagic.com/teleseminar1.php

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s