How does One Maintain Balance in a Relationship when Each Partner is Growing in Different Directions?

January 2, 2008

Growing in different directions can be a challenge…as is this time of the year…Christmas is challenging to most relationships.

Maintaining balance is important for everyone…you must make time for each other, no matter what direction you are growing in. How can you do this?

I’m sure you make time for “making love”… however, if you don’t, make sure you do. Everyone wants to be at least sensually touched even if they don’t necessarily need or want sex at a given time. Check out with with you loved one how he is feeling and what his needs and wants are. It is important to talk about it and to say what your needs and wants are too. When I was married to my ex-husband this was something I was not good at…saying what I needed or wanted…I thought it should all happen naturally…we loved each other and therefore it would be good. No, I was wrong and our sex life was not good for me or him. I didn’t realise then, how important it is to talk about “making love”. Unfortunately, he was tempted to to go in a “different direction” with someone else for “making love”.

This “talking” will help you maintain balance in your relationship…do it regularly…every day…good communication in any relationship is important…ask your loved one how they are feeling, what they want and make sure you say how you’re feeling and what you want. I’ve written many times about this following exercise which you will also find in my book along with many other useful exercises, ideas, affirmations, quotes etc…

Set aside at least 12 mins…start with this…I’m sure you’ll find it so useful, you’ll want to increase when you can.

Sit opposite each other, if possible (sometimes and if necessary ie because of travelling, this could be done on the telephone…be creative but do it)…one of you starts by saying for 2 mins how you feel emotionally and physically, what’s going on for you and in your life with your loved one and outside of your relationship…remember, if you have 2 mins that this might seem long but in fact it’s quite short so make sure you say what really needs to be said…

The other partner sits and really listens…is completely present, physically and emotionally…really look at your partner…don’t agree or disagree, in fact, don’t say anything, don’t nod or shake your head…just sit and really hear what each other has to say.

After 2 mins, swap over.

After 2 mins, one gives the other feedback for 2 mins…as you receive the feedback, just listen. The feedback can consist of what you heard, what you saw, what you felt emotionally and physically as you listened…whatever might be relevant to the other partner.

After 2 mins, swap over.

After 2 mins do a general sharing for about 2 – 4 mins…to begin with, you might want to say how the exercise was for you and more of how your felt emotionally and physically…whatever seems relevant.

You might find it useful to talk about how it is for you to feel that you’re growing in different directions…discuss it…find a way to keep your relationship alive and in balance.

A big part of keeping a good balance is to exercise…if you can, maybe you could do this together…if you go to the gym, even

if you use different equipment, you might want to go together if you can. This will keep you fit and your relationship fit too. I

have always found exercise a great way to get out of my mind…sometimes I go for a run when I am stuck with something be it a feeling or work or a relationship and when I return, I always feel better in myself, I feel more invigorated for work and I know what I need to know with regard to a relationship issue. So make time at least 3 or 4 times a week. Remember, it doesn’t have to be for long…all exercise is good to find space for… however your heart is very important… so make sure you do something aerobic for at least 20 mins, 3 or 4 times a week.

Play together in some way…

…go for a walk
…watch a film you both want to see…
…go to the theatre if you both like it
…go to an art galarie if you both want this
…spend a day or a weekend away
…go out for dinner at least once a week
…if you both like a sport, watch it
…list all the things you could do to play together and then do them.

Find a way of having fun together…humour is really important where balance is concerned and great for the endorphines…

…laugh at yourself
…laugh with your partner but never at them

I don’t like funfairs but they are wonderful for the endorphines too if you like a good scream!

If you’re both creative, build something or make something together.

I really trust I have interpreted your question correctly…if I haven’t please enlarge upon your question or ask me a different way.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, Speaker, Counsellor/Psychotherapist/Coach and Author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work” at

Internationally recognised Love Wizard gives results-based guidance that creates the love and happiness you deserve in your life.

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