First of all, YES you can…I am 60 and I desire sex…of course, you may have turned those desires off because of hurt, pain and sadness or even anger and rejection…I did this in my marriage and another time.

Also sexual desire can disappear if you have a past history that catches up with you…for me, I felt abandoned by my husband because he was having affairs and when he wanted sex with me, I felt used and abused…this unconsciously made my body feel unsafe because of having been sexually and physically abused as a child. I had not idea at the time why I didn’t want sex.

It is so important to work through our past pains so that we can break through and lead a whole life and sex is a part of that.

I remember a young woman in her late 20s coming to me because she could have sex with her husband and she wanted to feel the desire again…she had been sexually, physically and mentally abused as a child and something her husband did unconsciously reminded her of that time and her body’s reaction was to stop feel desire.

Our bodies are really powerful and if we don’t become more aware of our body, the environment and our loved ones, we do just that, act out unconsciously.

To cut a long story short, I helped my client work through her past, become more aware of herself, her environment and her husband. In fact, she felt very sensual in nature and I helped her use her imagination to bring the memories of feeling sensual in nature into the present…with practice she was able to do this at the time when her husband wanted to make love to her.

This unfortunately, wasn’t all…she had become a master as using cooking, washing up and hoovering, etc to say she was too busy for sex…she now needed to let go of the need for a perfect home in that moment, knowing she could come back to it at any time in the future.

She also needed to play…we played in our sessions…this was alien to her…she was so serious…fun wasn’t allowed…she’d had too many years of pain, hurt and unhappiness…she even believed that if she had fun, she’d be abused…terrible. Everything is possible and learning to play as a child would…yes we had to go back to childhood and give her a new experience…this way she could choose whether to focus on what happened as a child or the present reality of pretending to be a child and play. She was able to bring more fun into her relationship and into her sex life.

Now, if you’re saying that you now desire sex again and you want to meet someone…wonderful. You just need to know the qualities you want in your loved one…make sure the qualities are in you so that you attract those qualities…start finding role models of how you want your loved one to be…perhaps in films, plays or in books…notice how the woman in the opposite role acts and be that woman…step into the character so that you attract a similar person to the one in the film, play or book.

Enjoy yourself, your body and life…it is really important to pleasure yourself to create what you want.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, Peace Negotiator, Mediator and Author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work” at

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