This is a tricky question because you could so very easily hurt his feelings. 

Before I answer it, I would like to say something which I believe will help your relationship too.  Your question is not about you and yet of course I know it is…you know you are the most important person in your relationship for you…so it is really important that you speak about you.

So, you could have said “I don’t like the way my guy kisses me…how can I communicate this to him without hurting his feelings and teach him how to kiss me?” Please empower yourself by starting your sentences with “I”. 

Now the question…although I have enjoyed most of my men’s kisses, there have been times when I haven’t…I don’t know about you, but I like different ways of kissing which suit the time, place and mood…maybe the mood has more to do with me than to do with the environment.

I love being kissed passionately and hard …at times I love being kissed very tenderly, with hardly the lips touching…I also love various ways in the middle. It is the two extremes I sometimes have had to address. I remember being kissed passionately and hard and feeling really turned off…I would have preferred soft and hardly at all, just a brush of the lips maybe…what I said was “Wooo” (like when you say to a horse “Wooo Neddy”) and whispered (just like a horse whisperer) “Gently… gently” pushing him very gently for a fraction of space (I mean fraction) so I was still in that intimate, passionate position and then I showed him how by doing what I wanted to him. It worked…I got what I wanted by giving it first…he was not hurt and learnt very quickly.

Of course, what you want may be different, however you can apply the technique of staying very close and whispering what you want in some way or if you want your kiss passionate and hard, pull him towards you roughly and kiss him hard…I think he’ll get the message.

If it’s in between, then think of what I’ve said and stay close and show him…no need to say anything really. You are allowed to take the initiative and if he doesn’t like you doing this talk about it.

If it doesn’t work, then kissing is a very intimate thing and you might want to just talk to him openly. Do it in the way that I suggested at the beginning of this blog…by staying with yourself…saying how you feel eg “I feel….when you kiss me like that and I would prefer it if you…” Being open and honest and staying with you and your feelings is the only way to go.

Enjoy your kissing…I think it’s really important in a relationship…for me it’s like having sex mouth to mouth.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, Speaker, Counsellor/Psychotherapist/Coach and Author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work” at

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