The most important way to communicate is to stay with yourself…so many of us, and I have to keep practising this, say “You” when we mean “I”…by doing this you are not making yourself important…this is a MUST. You MUST put yourself first, however not in a selfish way, but an inclusive way.

When we feel hurt, angry, sad, happy, joyful, excited…we must say “I feel….(whatever the feeling is)”…we give our power away far too much.

Imagine how you want to communicate with your husband and children…to get that image you must look around you…look to see if someone you know is a good role model for this…maybe you’ve seen someone in a film doing and saying just what you want to do and say, maybe in a play, or in a book you’ve read or in a workshop you’ve been to…it doesn’t matter where as long as the person is doing and saying what you would like to do and say.

If you can, listen and watch it, or read it again…really get it so that you instinctively know it…embody it in your whole being by stepping into that role…really becoming the role…and speaking and acting as that role. Have an image of the person and hold it regularly on the TV screen of your mind, walk, stand and talk as they do.

When you talk to your husband and children, be clear about what you want for you and/or from them.

If something they have said or done makes you feel angry…check out if there is another feeling underneath which is being covered up by the anger…maybe hurt or pain. Say “I feel hurt when you do (or say) that and what I would prefer you to do (or

say) is ……..(and give an example which means that you must know what you want them to say or do instead).”

Of course, you may be feeling angry and you need to say “I feel angry when you say that and what I’d prefer you to say is…..”

You are the most important person in your life and you will honour yourself far more by making “I” statements and not acting out…actually getting upset or angry…of course, it’s important to show that you mean what you are saying by being congruent with you body language, so make sure you’re not smiling or crying when you feel angry…you’d be surprised how many people do this because they were brought up believing that anger was not allowed….and look happy when you feel it.

Let me know if there is something else you want to communicate.

I shall be in Orlando next week…if you live nearby, you might want to come along to a book signing, workshop or speaking engagement…I don’t have all the details yet but if you would like to come along, please phone me on 407-578-9628 or email me at for more details.

Also, if you’re in England you might want to buy “Love It!” magazine in which I am giving tips on “How to…Have Sex with the Same Man Forever”…enjoy.

(c) copyright 2007 Anita Jackson, Speaker, Counsellor/Psychotherapist/Coach and Author of “Rekindle the Magic in Your Relationship ~ Making Love Work” at

Internationally recognised Love Wizard gives results-based guidance that creates the love and happiness you deserve in your life.

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